Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Om Namah Shivaya...

Shiva Nataraja, lord of the cosmic dance; through the flames of destruction come new beginnings.

Today I was a student in the yoga classroom and it wasn't necessarily a lesson I enjoyed.

I thought I'd understood the symbolism of Shiva Nataraja. Sure, I'd spent a few months unable to walk and gained some personal insights, but my legs were not destroyed - just on hiatus. I'd made it through a huge obstacle, but little did I know - I was far from dancing in the flames.

This morning I shuttled a shopping cart loaded with four years worth of lesson plans, book baskets, portfolios and other various school supplies back and forth from the school that had always been my home to the rival school just a few blocks down the road.

To say that I felt emotional at leaving my family behind was an understatement, but for the most part I was giddy about what lay ahead. Until, that is, I ran into a close friend and mentor who couldn't even bear to look at me. Suddenly, I wasn't dancing in those flames, which I had taken such great pains to light in the first place - I was burning up and grasping at the ashes.

Like a sacred security blanket, the mantra popped into my head... om namah shivaya... and I remembered how Shiva smiles as he dances in the flames of destruction, making way for a new beginning.

I might not be smiling about it just yet, but I'm also not going to keep questioning whether this move was a practice in satya (living my truth) or selfishness... Lesson well-learned: I lit this fire and now by god, right or wrong, I'm going to dance in it.

I think that 90's alternative song said it best: every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

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